I hold grudges. I don’t want to & I try not to, but today I realized I need to just get the F over things sometimes. I will say, if someone apologizes for what they’ve done it is much easier for me to let go. But if they don’t, if they act as if I don’t exist & we never knew each other…well, that is a little harder. But why? As I write this I am realizing how
silly stupid this sounds.
Here is why – because I have feelings & I care, because I get excited about things. REALLY excited. Especially when it involves meeting new people, helping others & making a difference in the community. Last year I was lucky enough to be apart of a free fitness movement & it was a HUGE deal. But Sacramento didn’t seem to know how lucky it was to be apart of such a special thing and it just wasn’t meant to be. And that is where my grudge comes in.
Our group was discontinued due to lack of people showing up – and likely lack of leadership. No hard feelings there, I get it. But to be blindsided by the news that we were no longer a part of this movement and to be told by someone you thought was a friend that your participation and your being a co-leader didn’t really matter and that certain people weren’t excited about you being apart of this group was beyond hurtful. To this day I get upset thinking about it. This is what I have decided to change. I don’t want to get upset every time I think about it. I don’t want to hold a grudge against someone for something that, in the grand scheme of things, is really not that big of a deal. I said earlier if I get an apology from someone that has hurt me or has done something wrong, I am okay. My next thought as I was thinking about it this morning was, “but it is too late for an apology, I wouldn’t even want to hear it”. What kind of person does that make me? It’s ridiculous. I realized I don’t need to hear an apology, and after all this time will probably never get one so I shouldn’t let these feelings stay with me. I need to let them go. I was thinking about it this morning because the group that we started to build still works out together and I often run by them during their workouts, as I did today. I don’t know them all anymore, but I know a few and the are AMAZING people. They have all come a long way since we met last year and inspire me everyday to push myself in my training.
Maybe it was the endorphins from my great run this morning that got me in this mood, or maybe I am tired of being mad. Maybe both. All I know is it has been almost a year since I lost someone I thought was a friend and a movement I had put my heart into, but it is time to get over it. No more grudge, no more unhappiness about the situation.
In the time all of this has happened I have met some great people, I help empower women everyday through movement and the way I live my life and I have a growing business that helps people to live healthy & active lives. I know I am where I am meant to be. You know that saying, “Things happen for a reason” well, it is true. I have learned many lessons from this experience and I am stronger and smarter because of it. Look at me being all grown up and stuff 😉